Silencing the Voices

The voices in my head are that of my own subconscious. They are my thoughts scurrying to unravel. A mess of ideas, revelations, creations of my imagination.

In 8th grade I discovered the most fascinating subject that captured my mind, Psychology. I had been wondering and asking around how I could learn more about the human mind and what it meant to be who we are and how we got to be this person. Then someone told me of this wonderful study of the mind. At once I began searching the Internet and textbooks for the meaning of this word and the depths of it's research. I have just finished my Sophomore year of college on this subject and my quest is continuing.

Since I can remember my mind has been that of a high speed train with no brakes. I have stacks and stacks of unfinished journals, tons of scrap pages with scribblings, loads of files on many computers with nothing but jargon to anyone but me. My quest to better understand Psychology may well in fact be a quest to interpret my own encrypted mind. 

In speaking with a trusted soul earlier today I finally mentioned the intensity of my thought process; the confusion and restlessness it brings upon me. He posed an interesting question... one I had never thought of before. He asked, "Where does your mind go when it races?"

Where does it go?

I had never thought of the relevance of this question before. My reply was simply "I don't know." but my heart and mind were both saying the same thing... "Darkness."

Though I answered a lie this wise man knew the truth. He looked at me and asked "Do your thoughts lead to creativity or to anxiety and worry?"

Both.

My mind is so complex that if I were to allow it to worry and feel anxiety it would simply EXPLODE. I have no choice but to create a poem or a reflection of my worry and anxiety. Thus, I come up with short stories, paintings, novels, or a simple reflection that allows me to slowly unravel the ball of yarn that is growing inside of my head.

He gave me this verse which calmed my mind and gave me the tiniest piece of solitude that I needed just for that moment.

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock." (Isaiah 26:3-4)

I will keep my mind on the Lord and my trust in Him and I will be fine. I pray that if I focus on this verse and His word alone maybe my mind can find rest.

I realize that I am so used to studying something, to researching something. But now it is time to rest. Insomnia can hold me no longer. My mind is focused on the Lord so that I will find perfect peace that only He can provide. Now then, I welcome sleep.  

Good Night, Mind.