Conquering Sophomore Year

I know I never tried when I was in school as a child.

I focused on the stars way too much. I studied the breeze. I felt the grass between my toes instead of the pages of textbooks between my fingers and the texture of a pencil in my hand.

Now I am in college and it shows.

I am struggling. I am honest and I am hurting.

I push and I try and I cry!

I break my back and strain my brain until my counselor begs me to sleep!

Yet it gets me no where.

You are made for more.

The words I keep hearing from everyone.

Keep trying.

I AM!!!!!!!

I wont give up. 

That's not who I am.

But how much more do I have to do, do I have to suffer, before this pays off?

How is this all going to pay off?!

I know God is calling me to Something More but what?

I know He wants me in Psychology and I am struggling with the call to help Muslims and the Arab culture but what for? What do the two have in common? What am I doing?! 

I feel as though I am failing.

  I need prayer. I need answers. I need guidance and strength.

My heart races with these questions. My adrenaline rushes with anger and confusion. I am heart broken and torn! But I know there is better out there for me! I know there is something greater than all this pain! I will have hope! and I will feel joy and comfort! 

For I am the daughter of the Almighty and He has His arms wrapped around me at this very moment telling me that everything will be alright.

For His plan is perfect. His will is magnificent and His purpose is beautiful. Nothing can compare to His infinite grace! 

 ^"Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed." (Hebrews 12:12-13)