Befreien

Today began differently than any day before. 

 Most days my alarm wakes me up half way and I turn it off. Then I drift back to sleep only to wake up alert realizing that I really need to start my day. I then drag myself out of bed dreading what the day my entail; a verbal conflict of some sort, a memory triggered by a random object, smell, or song, or maybe I wont want to talk to a single person or do a single thing except lay on my couch all day and eat Nutella and watch sappy high school tv dramas.

But today was different. Today I woke up to my alarm and didn't fall back asleep. This morning I woke up, sat up, opened my curtains that haven't been opened since my sophomore year in high school (about 5 years ago), and I 

SMILED.

I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes as the corners of my lips met my ears and I allowed my heart to once again be filled with joy! I hadn't felt an overwhelming joy like this in a very long time. I mentioned earlier that I had been meeting with someone I refer to as my Guide. Well I was meeting with him again today and I felt ready! I hadn't seen him in five weeks. Today just felt different. I woke up this morning and I felt NEW.

On my way to my appointment I decided to enjoy a nice cup of Starbucks coffee, kind of rewarding myself or preparing myself maybe. I needed to be calm. I don't know why or how I knew this but I knew I needed my nerves and I needed to have my mind and heart stable. I asked some people to be praying for me, nothing specific but, only that my heart may be softened and opened. The moment I saw the eyes of my Guide I felt the prayers of my brothers and sisters in Christ. I knew what I had to do today!

As I spoke confidently in his presence about these past five weeks and the past 7 years he told me about God's love and His forgiveness. He helped me to realize that I am not the one who needed the forgiveness but the one who needed to forgive. He also helped me to realize that the issue was with someone else and God not me and that person. 

For years I have been holding myself accountable for the sins of others as if they were my own sins. That burden is not mine to bare. That is why Christ came to die. To take that burden for us! 

I woke up this morning knowing in my heart that something good was bound to happen and God was right to give me that feeling because something good surely has... I feel free. Free from my past. Free from the burdens of what I have been holding on to for so long. The pain that has been holding me down for absolutely no reason at all but to keep me from accomplishing God's plan that He has for MY LIFE is finally gone. I have decided to forgive my past and the people that have wronged me. I have decided that I will no longer be one that is held down but I will be the one to move on. 

My cousin helped me to find this perfect word to describe me: 

Befreien. 

It's German for "Liberate"... to set free. I am free. In Christ I am free indeed. Only in Him am I free. 

Now I realize that and I don't have to hold on to my past and try to fix it myself. I give it to Him. This is my declaration! This is my promise. This is my WIN over satan. He no longer has that hold on me because God has ultimate power over my life.