Two Lives Become One

Another fabulous morning! I even dressed for the occasion! (I was proud of this outfit this morning!)

The sun is hiding behind some moody clouds this morning but my attitude is that of a sunny summer day! I'm excited for this day. It's my boss's wedding day!

I'm meeting my boyfriend for some window shopping before we meet at a friend and coworkers' house to get ready to caravan to a beautiful outdoor wedding. 

Those are my favorite type of weddings... 

Outdoor weddings!

The sun shining down on a glorious moment where two hearts and two lives become one under the eyes of God!

It's as if He can see you most clear when you're in the open. I love that thought. It's so beautiful to me. Sharing a kiss with the one you love in the open air in front of your friends and family. The bride dressed all in white with her hair and make up all done. The groom with the biggest grin on his face looking into the eyes of his beautiful new wife. It's the most beautiful sight to behold in my opinion! 

I'm so unbelievably excited for this day! I love weddings and I can't wait until one day it'll be my own! :D 

Everyone will be dabbing their eyes at me standing there all in white under the bright blue horizon with the man I love as God watches in approval as we join hands in marriage. 

Ugh! I'm tearing up at the thought! I'm so sappy when it comes to weddings! I love them! 

I hope everyone enjoys their day. I know I will :) God bless you all! 

Befreien

Today began differently than any day before. 

 Most days my alarm wakes me up half way and I turn it off. Then I drift back to sleep only to wake up alert realizing that I really need to start my day. I then drag myself out of bed dreading what the day my entail; a verbal conflict of some sort, a memory triggered by a random object, smell, or song, or maybe I wont want to talk to a single person or do a single thing except lay on my couch all day and eat Nutella and watch sappy high school tv dramas.

But today was different. Today I woke up to my alarm and didn't fall back asleep. This morning I woke up, sat up, opened my curtains that haven't been opened since my sophomore year in high school (about 5 years ago), and I 

SMILED.

I took a deep breath in and closed my eyes as the corners of my lips met my ears and I allowed my heart to once again be filled with joy! I hadn't felt an overwhelming joy like this in a very long time. I mentioned earlier that I had been meeting with someone I refer to as my Guide. Well I was meeting with him again today and I felt ready! I hadn't seen him in five weeks. Today just felt different. I woke up this morning and I felt NEW.

On my way to my appointment I decided to enjoy a nice cup of Starbucks coffee, kind of rewarding myself or preparing myself maybe. I needed to be calm. I don't know why or how I knew this but I knew I needed my nerves and I needed to have my mind and heart stable. I asked some people to be praying for me, nothing specific but, only that my heart may be softened and opened. The moment I saw the eyes of my Guide I felt the prayers of my brothers and sisters in Christ. I knew what I had to do today!

As I spoke confidently in his presence about these past five weeks and the past 7 years he told me about God's love and His forgiveness. He helped me to realize that I am not the one who needed the forgiveness but the one who needed to forgive. He also helped me to realize that the issue was with someone else and God not me and that person. 

For years I have been holding myself accountable for the sins of others as if they were my own sins. That burden is not mine to bare. That is why Christ came to die. To take that burden for us! 

I woke up this morning knowing in my heart that something good was bound to happen and God was right to give me that feeling because something good surely has... I feel free. Free from my past. Free from the burdens of what I have been holding on to for so long. The pain that has been holding me down for absolutely no reason at all but to keep me from accomplishing God's plan that He has for MY LIFE is finally gone. I have decided to forgive my past and the people that have wronged me. I have decided that I will no longer be one that is held down but I will be the one to move on. 

My cousin helped me to find this perfect word to describe me: 

Befreien. 

It's German for "Liberate"... to set free. I am free. In Christ I am free indeed. Only in Him am I free. 

Now I realize that and I don't have to hold on to my past and try to fix it myself. I give it to Him. This is my declaration! This is my promise. This is my WIN over satan. He no longer has that hold on me because God has ultimate power over my life.

Flee or Sweep

As women we often find ourselves trying to solve conflict with a "sound mind" or a "steady hand". While on the inside our emotions and our blood are simply boiling over into a volcanic mess! 

I've never been one to explode on innocent bystanders or those undeserving of the rebuke I returned. I do however admit to using a harsh tone in circumstances when a harsh tone is not indefinitely required or in fact needed. Also, sarcasm is my greatest friend and a lovely defense mechanism when my walls are built higher than my morals at times.

Though I find myself laying in bed at the moment having just settled a small dispute "soundly", in my mind, and realizing that the other side of the dispute would probably disagree very heavily. 

As I review the conversation I realize that my intention, as have been with every argument and conflict I am ever in, is always to flee or sweep.

What do I mean by flee or sweep?

Flee: 

Simply put I want to run away from this trouble or situation.

I get the coward instinct to run. 

As if the room were on fire or the person I am in conflict with were trying to kill me I simply try to wrap up the argument as quickly as possible, take the blame if necessary, apologize, and get away.

Sweep:

Instead of trying to find resolutions to the issue at hand I simply ignore it.

Sounds like the same thing as flee, right? Well it's not. 

Sweep means to ignore the problem.

I know the giant gorilla is sitting in my living room but I choose not to say anything about it. Instead I put on a smile and go about my day like everything is perfectly fine. 

I try to sweep that giant gorilla under the rug.

It's my Flee or Sweep theory on solving conflict.

I intend to change the way I go about solving my conflicts. This takes prayer and accountability. I have few followers, I am aware of this, but those of you who do follow me I am counting on you. 

Take this challenge with me. Find your conflict solving method and decide if its helping you or if it's harming you. Do you flee or do you sweep? I intend to change. Do you?