My Birthday

When I was little I can remember having the most FABULOUS birthday parties. 

•  Sleep overs
• Princess birthday cakes
• Sister and her friends playing with me and mine

I always looked forward to my birthday. It was a day of happiness and excitement! Joy and laughter would fill the halls of our white mountain home. 

As I grew older the parties grew smaller. Instead of sleepovers they became silly dinner parties with teenagers in sundresses (my birthday is June 23... feel free to send birthday wishes soon) having "lady bug funerals".

In high school I shared my birthday party with my best friend, Shelby, since her birthday was a week later and we basically had the same friends. Laughter and joy still filled that mountain home. 

My 18th birthday is when those parties began to slide. My first birthday away from home. I was on a youth trip to Alabama. My parents sent me a "Party In A Box". Kind of embarrassing how I had to hang my own streamers but hey, I wanted something on my 18th birthday! Kind of a big deal! Yet that was the loneliest birthday I can remember. I was so happy to get home and have some real birthday cake with my family.

This Sunday I will be turning 20 years old. No longer a teenager yet not old enough to be considered legal to drink. But I will be an adult. My teenage years officially behind me I'm not sure how I will feel. I've been taking these past few days to reflect on all my past birthdays and looking ahead to this one it wont be much different from my 18th. I'm an adult. I should expect this right? I have more responsibilities than I did as a kid. Yet I'm heart broken. I'm scheduled to work the closing shift and I have church 9:30-11am. That leaves me just enough time to grab a bite to eat and change before work.

Happy Birthday to me!

Right? I am already looking forward to after my birthday because I know it will be a "happier" day than my actual birthday. How strange and cynical is that?!  But it's my sad truth. Monday I pray for cake and a song! And I can promise tears from this silly cynical author. 

Happier posts to come I promise. The thoughts of growing old are weighing me down!.... Wait for the post when I turn 30! ;)