Spontaneous Summer Surgery

 So far every summer of my college career I am spending it in recovery from a surgery.

Monday I had a normal appointment with my Podiatrist to have x-rays done on my feet and to talk about a possible surgery for my terrible bunions. I had absolutely no idea that my appointment would end with a surgery date of that Thursday (two days away)!

So just as an update I have to be off of my feet for the next 3 weeks with these beautiful boots and wonderful wrappings to keep the swelling down.

I was just pleased that I had my toes done before all this chaos!

Also, my boss was very compliant with everything and with giving me 3 weeks leave. I was so worried about it! But God has His mighty hands on me and I know now why summer classes haven't been working out the way I had planned. God had planned on me having this surgery instead. So I thank God for His mighty work and His wonderful power in everything I do.

Prayers and thoughts are most certainly welcome!!! :D

My Birthday

When I was little I can remember having the most FABULOUS birthday parties. 

•  Sleep overs
• Princess birthday cakes
• Sister and her friends playing with me and mine

I always looked forward to my birthday. It was a day of happiness and excitement! Joy and laughter would fill the halls of our white mountain home. 

As I grew older the parties grew smaller. Instead of sleepovers they became silly dinner parties with teenagers in sundresses (my birthday is June 23... feel free to send birthday wishes soon) having "lady bug funerals".

In high school I shared my birthday party with my best friend, Shelby, since her birthday was a week later and we basically had the same friends. Laughter and joy still filled that mountain home. 

My 18th birthday is when those parties began to slide. My first birthday away from home. I was on a youth trip to Alabama. My parents sent me a "Party In A Box". Kind of embarrassing how I had to hang my own streamers but hey, I wanted something on my 18th birthday! Kind of a big deal! Yet that was the loneliest birthday I can remember. I was so happy to get home and have some real birthday cake with my family.

This Sunday I will be turning 20 years old. No longer a teenager yet not old enough to be considered legal to drink. But I will be an adult. My teenage years officially behind me I'm not sure how I will feel. I've been taking these past few days to reflect on all my past birthdays and looking ahead to this one it wont be much different from my 18th. I'm an adult. I should expect this right? I have more responsibilities than I did as a kid. Yet I'm heart broken. I'm scheduled to work the closing shift and I have church 9:30-11am. That leaves me just enough time to grab a bite to eat and change before work.

Happy Birthday to me!

Right? I am already looking forward to after my birthday because I know it will be a "happier" day than my actual birthday. How strange and cynical is that?!  But it's my sad truth. Monday I pray for cake and a song! And I can promise tears from this silly cynical author. 

Happier posts to come I promise. The thoughts of growing old are weighing me down!.... Wait for the post when I turn 30! ;)

When Dreams Become Reality

Dreams have a way of saying what you were unable to say when you were awake.

They capture your fears, goals, and deepest desires and enhance them to a degree you could never do by yourself.

I don't normally sleep walk but I had a dream so real last night that I woke up thinking I had done those things. The more I lingered on the dream the more I questioned my reality. 

What was time?

What day is it really?

Have I already lived this day... only differently?

These questions seems strange but the dream was so real that I pondered these questions for hours. In the shower I shampooed twice while thinking on these things. Having breakfast I allowed my coffee to grow cold while still digging for answers. When walking the dog I hardly noticed the constant barking when reliving the questionable dream or reality I had experienced last night. I made a few friendly phone calls to snap myself back into motion and into the "now". But the question of time still hung over my mind like an invisible mist. 

I found a quote by Edgar Allen Poe, one of my favorite authors, that really made me think about the possibility of dreams or reality or the absence of reality at all...

“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.”-Edgar Allen Poe

What is reality exactly?

Is it something created by the mind to give us humans something to hold onto when we feel ourselves growing mad? 

I encourage you to post your reflections below and give me your thoughts. Let me hear your dreams below in the comment bar. I'm very interested to know your ideas on this matter. 

Unless in fact you're already mad, which I believe "all the best people are." -Alice in Wonderland

Walk On or Stay Down

There's a lot I could write about today but the main thing I would like to share is the power of decision making. 

Life is made up of decisions. 
  
I was watching The Help last night and I heard one of my favorite quotes by Constantine Jefferson:

Every day you're not dead in the ground, when you wake up in the morning, you're gonna have to make some decisions. Got to ask yourself this question: "Am I gonna believe all them bad things them fools say about me today?" You hear me today? "Am I gonna believe all them bad things them fools say about me today? You hear me today?" All right? As for your mama, she didn't pick her life. It picked her. But you, you're gonna do something big with yours. You wait and see.

 I grew up hearing bad things being said about me and having bad things done to me. But I still hold my head up high and walk on.

I wont lie that I have days, even entire weekends where I feel as though my walls are caving in around me and I cannot breathe. But then I remember that I have the choice to either let my past get me down or let it be a building block to something greater.

In my last post I mentioned that I was reading a book that looks at Psalms 23, well I finally finished it a few weeks ago. I highly recommend it to ALL. This book helped me realize that God's love and guidance over my life were so much greater then the crap I had been through in my past. He helps me "lie down in green pastures," (23:2a).

When the flashbacks of my past and the nightmares keep me awake at night "He anoints my head with oils;" (23:5b) and calms my heart. 

So when life beats you down and you feel you can go no further remember that you have the choice to either allow it to pile on top of you or let it build up under you and lift you higher to the potential God has for you.