Holiday #2 Christmas

My favorite holiday!

When I was little my favorite part was all the family time. I just remember so much laughter and joy filling every inch of any house we entered. Simply beautiful!

This year there was no snow and hardly any chill but the laughter was plenty as expected. 

This year I also got to share my Family Christmas with my wonderful boyfriend, Joel. This was his first Watson Family Christmas and he had a blast! (Which anyone would... we're super fun people!) Words cannot express what it meant to have him in the room laughing and sharing that day with me and my family. It was very special. I am so very blessed to have such a loving and supportive family!

Everyone really enjoyed themselves and it was so fantastic to catch up with my sisters. We all live so far away it's tough to be in the same house at the same time. So this was wonderful.

Christmas Eve my parents and I took my mom's mother to see a movie (also on Christmas Day). She was thrilled! The Christmas Eve movie was in 3D so it really made her day! I hadn't seen her with that big of a smile in a while. 

I love making people smile!

Christmas Day was mostly for Ma'ma (my momma's mother) when she arrived at our house. She was loaded up on more presents then she knew what to do with. I saw her turn into a little kid again. It was funny. Then once again we loaded up the car and headed to a movie!

Sadly I had to head back to my apartment the next day for work.

But the week I got to spend with my family was so incredibly special! I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world. My family may be loud and a bit overwhelming but they are mine. I love each and everyone of them more than I could even begin to express. No matter how mad they make me or how deep a wound may go they are still my family. They will always be there and they will always love me. Even the new members of this ever growing family! And I can't wait to watch it grow bigger and bigger with weddings and births and so much more love and laughter! For that's the foundation of a Watson... Love & Laughter!

Counting Blessings Instead of Loses

As we begin to say our good byes to 2013 let's try a new concept... 

How about focusing on everything that God has given us this year instead of dwelling on the hard times that have been thrown in our direction.

My oldest sister and her family do something I find very cool!... All year when something wonderful happens they write it on a piece of paper and put it in their "Blessings" jar in the kitchen. Then at the end of the year to start off the coming year they read off those blessings and remember all the good times that the year had given.

Too often we get dragged down by all the negative aspects of life:

By the cold
The failures
The let downs
The heart aches
The loses...

But remember the positives today and tomorrow:

The rewards
Those who lifted you up
The songs, quotes, or moments that mended your heartache
The births

Yeah... Life can really suck sometimes. But when you go back and remember all that God has blessed you with life doesn't seem so bad. Suddenly those dark low hanging clouds seem to disperse and the sun shines brighter than EVER!

"LORD, You will establish peace for us, For You have also done all our works in us." Isaiah 26:12

"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:37

He gives us peace... We are more than conquerors... 

With those words I wish each and every one of you many blessings and a very Happy New Year!

 

Masquerade

I believe Phantom of the Opera touched on a very interesting topic in their song Masquerade. The idea that everyone wears a mask. Everyone is trying to hide from the world. I even love the line in the song, "You can fool any friend who ever knew you." It's all too true. To make it worse everywhere we look there is another element advertising a way to hide yourself from the world; whether it be technology, makeup, or reality tv. 

Welcome to the world... Welcome to the Masquerade.



No person can go through this life and not face a problem. No person can go through this world and not shake the hand of an enemy. But who will that enemy be? A friend, a coworker, a family member, or a neighbor... or is that enemy yourself? Simply take a step into the light, take a look into the mirror, lift the mask, and tell me who you see. 

Who is your heart leaning towards as you read this post right now? Who do you know that is being fake at this moment? Who do you know that is wearing a mask? 

That's the trick question because no one has one answer... no one has a perfect answer. 

Every person that has ever taken a breath in this world has been taught to join the masquerade, enjoy the party, and allow the world to bask in the beauty of your mask!

We are all at fault.

When does the masquerade end? 

That is the interesting question. When will the masks come off and the unique individuals show themselves without criticism? 

If you have yet to see Phantom of the Opera I highly recommend it. Maybe we could all learn a lesson on being an individual, being less fake, and simply taking off the mask... allowing the Masquerade end. 

Holiday #1 - Thanksgiving

I was going through my bible this morning when I ran across a long passage that was underlined, highlighted, and was covered in exclamation marks. Before I feel it necessary to reveal this incredible passage to you I will enlighten my audience of about 2 on the recent events...

This week began full of holiday spirit! Tuesday I left this small town for another small, yet more familiar, town I like to call home. Deddy and I ran a few errands before everyone settled in for the night. The next day was simply wonderful! My sister and her husband came down in the morning to spend the night. SO, while Andy and Deddy worked in the yard, momma, sister, and I got our nails done and did some grocery shopping. Which can never be done without some light family entertainment.

Having my sister with me, being home, cooking Thanksgiving dinner with momma... It all felt so joyful. Everything was as it was in the past. Everything was perfect. We stayed up late into the night preparing for the feast that we would be serving the Watson/Dalton family the following day. By morning everyone was chugging coffee and making their final preparations. When we got to the church the entire family, minus my other sister and her family, were already there. Smiles and hugs blanketed us at the door. Helping hands were ready to set food on the long center table, already layered in goodies.

After some catching up, eating too much food, reminiscing the past Thanksgivings, and laughing until our sides hurt we had to leave. Sister and Andy had to get home to his family's Thanksgiving dinner and I had to get back to my apartment to get ready for Black Friday, perks of being in retail. We all packed up, said our goodbyes, then went our separate ways, but only for a short time. Family Christmas is less than a month away!

This is where the jolly part ends...

I finally get everything unloaded and unpacked into my apartment and I start a load of laundry. By this time I realize that I should probably eat some dinner. Being as lazy as I can be I felt no desire to go out again, so... I saw some left over pizza in my refrigerator and  heated it up. After devouring it with some hot sauce, like usual, I hopped in the shower and got ready to end my night and begin work at 6:30 am Friday morning. Little did I know... that pizza was about to retaliate! 

From 9 pm until well... let me get back to you on that one... I have been revisiting that "go out or eat left overs?" dilemma. I should've gone out. A chicken taco at Taco Bell would've been better than what I'm experiencing now! 

Being someone who hates confrontation I struggled with the decision to call in to work or not. 
Here were my problems:
- throwing up
- can't stand up straight
- can hardly move
- dehydrated
- tired
- weak
- fever
- NEVER ENDING

So by 5:45 am when I was still doing everything on that list I made my decision and dialed the number. The ringing didn't last as long as it usually did and my manager picked up right away. I thought I might throw up just having to speak to her. I told her my issues and that I thought it not really smart to come into work on Black Friday when I would probably end up barfing on the customers... She was NOT very pleased.
I stress the "not" because she then informed me that I would most likely no longer be working there after this.
She was mad.
I offered to work early the following day since I was scheduled anyway but she didn't seem like she wanted me there at all. So I hung up, threw up, then went back to bed... shaking. I told you... I hate confrontation.

I finally got about two hours of sleep before the dry heaving began. Since then, it's been sleeping on and off and dry heaving on and off. All I'm saying is that I hope my Christmas is as unbelievably perfect as my Thanksgiving was but that the following day is not as tragic as my Black Friday!!! 

But as I said in the beginning of this post... I ran across a passage today that hit me as to why all of this may be happening. What you, as readers, don't know is that when I got this seasonal job, 2 hours later, I was offered another job at this store that I just LOVE called DKNY. Well, I knew I couldn't work for them as seasonal because I was already promised to another store. But the store manager is desperately looking for part time workers as well. So, while my contract ends with this job, I may have a better job waiting for me! Better as in: better clothes, better quality products, better managers, and better pay!

 (Ecclesiastes 3:1-13)

"There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

⁹What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God."

Everything is perfect in it's timing... in God's timing. When I got fired God had a perfect purpose for that. Me getting really sick from eating old pizza, God had a perfect timing for that. There is a time for everything. I will not be put down by those that I have angered or the harsh words my coworkers will have to say about me. I will not be put down by the thought of not having a job. For I know that God's timing is perfect. I know that I was offered that job, been reminded of that job countless times, for a reason. I was in this job for this while for a reason and now it will be time to move on. God's timing is nothing to question. Only something to be Thankful for and welcome with a grateful heart that He allows us time.

Happy late Thanksgiving!

Normal

Breathing before the air has awakened.

Dancing before the ground touches your feet.

Clouds hug the stars.

Rain hisses on the hot earth.

Close your eyes, the day goes on

Open your eyes; the day is at its end.

Floating between dream and reality

The line has been faded by the heat of passion and frosted lies.

Normality is fatality.

The ends of your lips beg to lift your cheeks for the weight of the muscles is unbearable.

Scared of the shadows the beast hides in the delight of the sun.

Night falls and he runs to the city, misunderstood chaos follows his every footstep.

Citizens with torches and spears pierce his fur.

Misunderstood yet too afraid of the shadows, his and theirs, to speak up.

Running too far from normal;

Never to begin anywhere again

Left only searching for the daylight.

-Heather

New Beginning

The pages are twins of the air; cold and thin.

My mind does not comprehend the nouns and verbs scattered across the many pages. The wind and I take turns flipping from one to the other. 

The clouds shield the burning sun from the earth. 

Careless thoughts are my company though work should fill my priority. A chill runs from my spine, down my limbs, to the tips of my ears. The first thing I have felt since the beginning.

Slowly I lift my fingers, staring at the tips. I wiggle them and finally I feel them. My head turns as if a wooden toy who’s come to life, stiff and confused. The chill has awoken something.

Within me there is a beating like that of an African drum. Harder and louder the thumping goes on. The friction of this beating seems to generate a friction for the chills and the cold are replaced with a heat that begins to spread like a vine throughout my body. 

I can feel my heart again.

The newness is rejuvenating. Before was the beginning, then I found myself stuck in this eternal middle, now I’ve been jolted from there to a now that is a new now called a 

new beginning.

Souls

Like a life boat drifting from it's ship on the ocean's waves;

As one sees a duck bobbing along the surface of the pond;

The way a fallen leaf glides across a rushing river, taken under by the current to arise again and capture the sun,

Thus does my soul.

Drifting on the clouds,

Bobbing along the surface of the universe,

It glides across the sky, weaving between the stars and soaring around the sun, floating through this world dancing with similar souls.

No soul so similar as the one it's found in you.

Two materials; as wet clay mixed with the dirt to form a vase, so did our souls when you placed your hand in mine. 

Like a caged beast raging to emerge, an orchestra of rattling bones can be heard from inside my chest when you speak my name. 

A Light from above has opened the skies to bless my soul and yours.

Two souls under one Light can float together through this world, soar around the sun, weave between the stars, bob along the surface of the universe, and drift on the clouds.

'Twas But A Dream

There's a pressure unexplained by the atmosphere.

There's a sound not heard by the crashing of the sea.

The wind creates no breeze.

The sun contributes no heat.

My skin crawls with the rushing of adrenaline in the branches of my veins.

In the distance on the ocean's waves I can see a light. Closer it approaches as though being pushed by the wings of the angels in Dante's Purgatorio. As lightening the figure now stands before me.

"Expectations." the figure states.

With this single word I assume he is greeting me with a name. I have met my first challenge.

As quickly as the numbness had arrived, it was gone.

I awoke beneath the great oak with a book gently closed in my lap.

Resting my weary head against the mighty tree I sighed,

  'Twas but a dream...

God's Path, Not Mine

"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

-Albert Einstein

Since I was in the 8th grade I knew I wanted to study Psychology. My first adventure into the knowledge and understanding of this study of the mind was in order to help others as a counselor.

The more I studied, independently, the more I was fascinated by the different disorders. I became almost obsessed with the idea of research and diagnosing. I left behind my dreams of counseling high schoolers and began pursuing a career in research or analysis. That was, until this beautiful fall semester in 2013.

I worked the summer after my freshman year of college as an intern for Bethlehem Baptist Children's Ministry. It was stressful but more rewarding than any job I have ever had! Those children, even the strong willed ones, touched my heart in a way I never knew was possible. I ignored the love I gained for children and kept in my head that I was no counselor but a researcher.  Yet I thought back to those moments in the classroom with the kids so often. I pictured their glowing faces, heard their giggles, and remembered the mind blowing questions they would ask me about God and Heaven. They looked up to me and honestly I kind of looked up to them for their innocence.

Like I said, I was a researcher. Psychologists in research aren't allowed to have feelings or emotions like that. When it comes down to doing experiments anything goes. (Of course we have a standard of ethics to abide by but) I had to keep my head on straight and go the way I thought I wanted.

Notice the problem there?

"the way I wanted." ----> I, not God.

The more I thought my head was on straight the more God pulled me back to show me it wasn't. 

I am currently in a Human Growth & Development class. We are finishing up the first few hours after birth in lecture. But I've read on and I take incredibly good notes. I didn't think this class would have any effect on me because of how simple it is. But the more I study children in development the more I remember my days as an intern in Children's Ministry. Then I fall in love with the idea of helping childern.

When I was in elementary school I remember clearly the most incredible school counselor I have ever known. Her name was Nancy. I will never as long as I live forget the day my friend invited me to have lunch with her in the counselor's office. I knew how wonderful that room with the comfy couch was and I knew the comforting smile that would be there to greet us. My friend and I laughed, joked, ate our lunch, and simply had the most wonderful time. Honestly that is my best memory from elementary school. That lunch in the counselors office. 

Thinking back to that memory and realizing how fragile this developmental stage is for children made me consider a career path that I have never in my wildest dreams imagined myself doing... becoming a counselor for the elementary school age.

The quote above reminds me everyday how fragile those little minds are. Children are teased, minds twisted, egos formed, and I want to be there as a nurturer to help guide them on a path that will benefit them and strengthen them. Not to harm them but to comfort. 

With God's hand on me, my eyes on the Word, and my heart for God's little children I know I could really help a lot of children. Like my elementary school counselor helped me by that one short lunch in her office. Maybe I could touch the lives of some child with a simple "Open Door Policy". 

Remember that every heart is fragile and every brain is always soaking up what the environment dishes out. Once you think on this maybe we will all begin to treat others differently.
 

The Lord's Work

Since I was little I have heard this saying:

"The Lord works in mysterious ways."

I always took it at face value. I thought, Well yeah He does miracles, like curing cancer.

But lately I have found a new way God can work mysteriously...

through ME.

I've posted things on Facebook and Twitter that I personally have found encouraging but thought I had made up and quoted myself. Yet I have noticed time and time again that other people are finding these words of encouragement more encouraging than I ever did. Sometimes these words of mine will simply be random thoughts that, to me, had no meaning but to someone else absolutely brightened their day.

"Actions speak louder than words."

Well I say that words touch lives more than actions when they come from the Lord.

Sometimes when you can't even see it the Lord is using you in some way. For me it has either been my blog, Facebook, or Twitter. It may be when you're walking on campus or in the office. 
My church is hosting a Judgment House this year called Masquerade. It's about wearing a mask; hints the title. God may even be using you in church. What an interesting thought. Someone there may be watching how YOU are acting during church to decide whether or not they want to return. 

Realizing how God has been using me and how everyday people are watching my every move, Satan is watching my every move and just waiting for me to slip up, makes me really want to dive into the Word and be open as a vessel/ambassador for Christ.

How will you make yourself open for the Lord to use you?
Are you already noticing how God has been using you to influence others?
(If you'd like to share any of your experiences feel free to comment below. I'd love to hear how the Lord has been working!)
 

Back on the Battle Field

Ever feel like you're being set up to fail?
Like nothing you do will ever go the way you think it should?

Well, welcome to my past few weeks.

*I experienced my first time being "separated" from a job that I had put my all into for an entire year. (My longest job)
*Then my computer started acting up during some online assignments at the time they were due, go figure.
*Then my bank account started depleting.
*If the piles and piles of school work and stress didn't seem bad enough.... 
I came down with one of the worse sinus infections I had ever gotten in my life.

I put on a smile, got up every morning and dressed up like nothing was going terribly wrong. I walked around like my world wasn't falling in around me and I couldn't catch the pieces. I felt like I was running around with a butterfly net trying to catch those pieces of my life.

Friday my parents finally came down and took me home for the weekend so I could recover from my illness. I was able to lay in bed all day Saturday and Sunday and just pray. I asked silly questions like 

"Why, God?"

and

"What did I ever do wrong?"

This morning when I woke up and turned my radio on I got my answer...

"Praise God to whom all blessing flow. Praise Father Son and Holy Ghost." -Doxology by David Crowder Band

"My heart burns for You." -Obsession by David Crowder Band

These two songs really made me realize that all these things happening to me aren't tragedies or ends to somethings. They are merely beginnings to something greater! God has a plan for my life and He is leading me slowly there by strengthening me with these bumps in the road. 

"¹³ No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

If God didn't think I could handle these trials then He wouldn't have given them to me. I believe this weekend of rest was the beginning of my "escape". Every solider needs a time of rest and recovery after being beaten down time and time again. Now I am back on the battle field ready to fight with the angels of the Lord on my shoulders. I will find a new job and I will conquer this trying semester.

Prayers are welcomed and thanked. Every college student needs them. I am not the only one struggling in this world. I am just one of the few blogging about the struggles of college and life. But my strength comes from the Lord and in Him I find rest and the power to go on!

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

The Lord doesn't break His promises. So go to Him when you are burdened and He promises to give you rest. He gave me rest when I needed it and now I am ready for the fight.

Insider

I might not have mentioned this before but I am studying Psychology in college with a minor in Sociology.

Right now I am in this class for my minor called Death, Society, and Human Experience; shorter title is "Death and Dying". In this class we are learning the rituals and customs following and surrounding death primarily in the US. We also have to examine ourselves and the feelings of others when it comes to death, being that this is a sociology class.

Every night I have to read more into the chapters in my textbook. I have to explore death and relive my own experiences. Each Tuesday and Thursday I have to listen as my professor speaks about death and dying in her sweet soft voice that makes you want to cry even if she's telling a joke.

This class is the essence of melancholy.

Our first assignment was online and we had to tell our experiences with death. Whether we were "insiders" having had loved ones die or of that nature; or if we were "outsiders" having had little to no experience with a loved one dying.

In writing my post I made it very short and sweet. Saying basically, "Yes I am an insider and yes I have seen too much death for my young age." I couldn't bring myself to give anymore grave (excuse the pun) details.

Later as I began exploring our textbook I found a few surveys that inquired about my experience with death again. This time it got personal.

It asked me if I had known anyone who had attempt suicide: Yes.
It asked if I had known anyone who had committed suicide: Yes.
Then it asked me how these things have affected me as of now.

Words cannot describe to you the anguish and heartache that those memories brought back. Two years ago grief counselors were recommended to those of us who knew Scott MacKenzie. But I said to myself that I was fine. For a while I thought I was. I went about my life, even went to his funeral (but left before it started because I couldn't let anyone see me cry). For months I was in denial that he was even dead. That he had even done what he had done. I saw jeeps like his all around, I saw Marine stickers everywhere and I thought it could be him. I saw the Lacrosse team at school and looked for him to be with them. I even tried calling him a few times.

There was always an empty seat in our communications class after September 28, 2011. It also felt like there was an empty place in my heart. I couldn't come to grips that my friend, who was suppose to meet me for lunch, had shot himself the night before. I knew he wasn't the same when he got back from the war, he had told me what had happened over there and the injuries he had been inflicted with. But I never knew that he would be capable of such a thing.

I suppose the point in me writing this post is that I hope to see a change. I pray that this class not only teaches me about how other people cope but it may also help me to let go of my friend. His anniversary is coming a month from today. I just need God's hand upon me as this time approaches because it doesn't get any easier as time passes.